i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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