Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
