just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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