I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
