the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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