dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
