my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
