I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
