those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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