I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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