Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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