i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
