I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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