dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
where are my eyebrows?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
