last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
