Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
