Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
