i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
