What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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