You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
