I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
