no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
