how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
