did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
