I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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