She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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