i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
