Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
