i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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