we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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