just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
