Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
