Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
