Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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