i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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