She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
