Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize