Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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