meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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