When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
