I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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