No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
