How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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