Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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