two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
