i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
