I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
