I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
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I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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