apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
