I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
