i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
