a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Those nachos came to me in a dream
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
