good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
