She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
