I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
