you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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