Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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