2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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