he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
