i barfeds in our rink
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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