Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my sisters under your porch take her home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
