I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
