He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
