I showed him my bush... on skype.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
