I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
