New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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