Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
