Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
