You can't special order awesome
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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