how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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