just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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