I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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