i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
