his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
