I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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