i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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