I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
