There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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