i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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